In the early 2000’s, Australian Shiraz was the hot new wine until they started exporting cheap, sugary plonk with cute animals on the label to keep up with demand. Soon they gained an international reputation for selling cheap, sugary plonk and the market for Australian Shiraz plummeted. If they want to get their market share back maybe they should stop selling wines like this.

Fruit forward with plum aromas, hints of chocolate and a bit of sweet oak on the simple nose. The palate has the same plum/chocolate thing going on but it’s cloying, just too sweet, with exposed wood notes midpalate and an odd sourness on the finish making the wine seem hard. An awkward wine even for the price, it has enough fruit power to wash down a pizza and the medium plus body will stand up to barbecue, but as a sipper it gives little pleasure.

Owned by the conglomerate Pernod Ricard.

A simple song, slow of pace, dark and moody will be a compatible companion, such as the Black Keys’ To Afraid to Love You.

Score: 83

Price: $10

Alc: 14.4%

Oy. Aromas of ripe blackberry, meat, and mint highlights are  simple but pleasant. But the palate? It feels plush at first but quickly turns hard as an anvil, thin, and sour—and it goes downhill from there, the finish a crescendo of bitter, a diorama of ruin.

This is a travesty, maybe the worst wine I’ve tasted all year.

I pulled up some metal with an appropriate title, the Wait’s Killing Joke, which fleshed out the midpalate a bit but nothing redeems this wine.

Morse Code is an entry-level brand of Henry’s Drive. I can’t think of anything more likely to drive someone to drink beer. What does it say about Bevmo that it carries this crap?

Score: 78

Price: $13

Alc: 14%

You have to admire Jacob’s Creek, Australia’s #1 wine brand  with an annual case production over 6 million. Has there ever been a more perfectly coiffed wine? Every hair is in place, not a hint of something unpleasant, juicy but not a fruit bomb, not too in your face, not too sweet, just enough acidity to give it life, some oak but its well-integrated, modest tannins to give it some length.

There is even a little complexity–red and black plum, hints of black pepper and eucalyptus, toast, a little dusty earth, chocolate on the palate and a soft, smooth texture. There is just nothing here to offend even the most sensitive palate.

There is also nothing very interesting about it. But for $7 you can suspend your curiosity and revel in benign sanctuary. It isn’t easy to make a wine this safe.

Score: 86

Price: $7

Alc: 13.9

So what’s the most middle-of-the-road, comfort song you can imagine? So many to choose from but this one has to be near the top of the list