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our brains are sickAs I noted in previous posts, our hi- tech overlords are busy trying to invent fake wine and fake food. Now they’ve turned their attention to inventing a fake you.

Instead of drinking lots of wine to find out what you like and using your wine knowledge and sense of adventure to expand your palate, a company called Helix will analyze your DNA via saliva samples to discover what you should like.

Silicon Valley is always trying to one up itself in helping us improve our daily lives. This time, with the launch of Helix, the tech geniuses believe they can enable us to make better choices – including better wine choices – if we have a better handle on our own DNA.

Wine Explorer by the Healdsburg, California-based Vinome, which currently costs $29.99, is currently Helix’s only wine-focused app partner….When you go to the Vinome site, there’s a basic survey that new customers can do online, discussing if they enjoy blackberries or black coffee and that results in an initial taste profile. It is reinforced by the all-powerful saliva test, which should be able to skillfully delineate which of eight flavor profiles will work for each consumer.

According to CEO Ronnie Andrews, if you like black coffee you will like big, red wines.

Swing and miss, strike one. I love coffee. I’m not crazy about big, red wines. If you like sweets you’ll like Gewurztraminer and Viognier, according to Andrews. Swing and miss again. I love a good Gewurz or Viognier. I’m not crazy about candy.

Of course, their business model is to tell you what you should like and then sell you the wines that conform to their prediction. That’s a pretty good racket. If they develop a personality test for science envy they can predict which consumers will fall for this scam.

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