People say a lot of inane things about wine on the Internets, most of which I just try to ignore. This one is just so silly I can’t resist.
The author begins by complaining about “over-the-top” wine descriptions that have something to do with sex.
There’s a fine line between many wine reviews and practically anything Anastasia Steele mumbles to herself in “50 Shades of Grey.”Words like “sexy,” “musky,” “racy” and “heady” get bandied about like a tennis ball in a baseline rally between Rafael Nadal and Novak Djokovic in both you-cannot-be-serious, over-the-top genres.
Well. Ok. Since wine gives pleasure and sex gives pleasure it’s not clear why one semantic domain should not be metaphorically extended to the other. But whatever. Maybe he’s a prude and is just uncomfortable with sex talk.
Then he moves on to some of the “earthy” language used to describe wine.
Seriously. Can you imagine going out to eat with someone and hearing them describe their steak as having a “barnyard” smell to it – or a “cat pee” taste? You’d think the chef left rancid meat out on the counter for the past week. And yet those words are commonly used to describe certain wines by wine writers around the world.
Actually, I can imagine eating with such a person if the steak smelled like barnyard or cat pee. It usually doesn’t thankfully, but wine often does. Some wines smell like that because they contain compounds that give off those scents. “Barnyard” is caused by brettanomyces; cat pee is caused by p-mentha-8-thiol-3-one. If the wine gives off those odors why not say so? Should we lie to the reader?
And then we get the big 5—the five terms we should never use to describe wine because they are overused—licorice, flabby, luscious/seductive, smoky, and full-bodied.
I’m talking about those words and phrases that make you just roll your eyes and think, “Who does this guy think he is? Ricardo Montalban trying to sell us a 1975 Chysler Cordoba with ‘Corinthian leather’?”
“Licorice” is in fact not very common. But if the wine smells like licorice why not use the term? Would “anise” be better? Flabby wines lack acidity and don’t refresh. Should we say “limp” or “sagging” instead? How about “enervated”? “Flabby” seems perfectly accurate and it’s a conventional way of describing low acid wines. Last I knew language is a system of conventions—using them kinda helps people know what you’re talking about.
Some wines are smoky because they are aged in oak barrels made of staves that have been—wait for it—toasted. Should we replace “smoky” with “sooty”? Not so good for the shelf-talker I wouldn’t think.
And anyone who doesn’t describe most Napa Cabs or Amarone as full-bodied is just irresponsible. Body refers to the weight and viscosity of the wine. It is not only a conventional term but a technical term that has a reasonably precise meaning. Deviate from this and you confuse everyone.
The point of writing is in part to communicate clearly—these conventional terms are an indispensible part of the wine vocabulary because everyone who talks about wine knows what they mean. (Newcomers may not but there is nothing wrong with demanding that they get up to speed if they want to understand what’s going on)
No doubt there are some over-the-top wine descriptions, but none that this article mentions are even remotely out of place. This is just click-bait for rubes.
Exploring the Philosophy of Food and Wine 
He seems to not understand the difference between descriptors that are cliche and descriptors that are accurate. Maybe that could be a game. ‘Amazing’ cliche or accurate? ‘Red’ cliche or accurate?
Yep. He doesn’t get it. And he doesn’t know he doesn’t know.
TO: Ken Ross, author of that annoying post.
I totally agree with you when you criticize wine blogs for overblown descriptions of wine, especially when compared to sex. It’s annoying and irrelevant.
On the other hand, you did not make a lot of friends in the wine community. Many of the terms whose use you criticized have precise meanings and are not at all hyperbolic or fancy. You made yourself sound not wine knowledgeable.
It’s OK to report on something not your specialty, but if you are serious about journalism, instead of just complaining about something, you will do your work and your readers a favor by being better informed about your subject. Surely there are guidelines in texts and books about journalism about how to approach a story on a subject new to you. And I am sure you are fully credentialed as a trained and experienced journalist who takes his work seriously as a public trust.
Writing like that gives bloggers and the web a justifiably bad reputation and drags everyone down. You participate in the same absence of inquisitiveness that makes the web a gutter and not a super highway.
You become those you accuse of shoddy communication, when you might have elevated the discussion.
You made no mention of terms of art criticism applied to wine. Another overused approach to describe wine, but far more appropriate than sex. The aesthetics of art and beauty apply to wine as well. Think of the process of what it took to get the wine there or produce a painting, or a film or a symphony or even a pop song. An enormous amount of thought, effort and historical knowledge is required to put it in front of the audience.
Searching for the right language to describe the experience and the creator’s intention is part of the work of a critic. And if you are not a critic of wine, you position yourself as a critic of bloggers, in which case you must strive to be better than those whose shortcomings you point out.
So what you meant to say was some people, wine lovers and bloggers, are full of it and full of themselves. Wine is innocent. People are arrogant and insecure, and bloggers with those deficiencies attract needy people seeking to be told how to think.
I will end because I do not want to fall prey (probably have already) to the same showy display of knowledge we both accuse others of. But remember, when you publish anything, you have a responsibility to readers to serve them and the ideas you are trying to express. This takes integrity and thoroughness before you are allowed to display the passion you have for the subject.
Jim Ruxin
Village Wine of Brentwood
Representing Fine Cellars
+01 310-471-7372 office
+01 310-617-7372 mobile
Well Said Jim. Thanks