The Onion is very funny; but also ignorant.
In a blog post entitled “Shitty Region of the Country Figures It Might as Well Give Producing Wine a Shot” they write with a Lawrence, KS byline:
Reasoning that they don’t really have anything else going for them in the increasingly automated post-industrial era of large-scale staple farming, the shittier regions of the country decided this week that they might as well give producing wine a shot. “At this point, maybe we should just see if we could get some grapes to grow here, spend the rainy-day money on a couple tanks of sulfites, and see how we do with fermenting wine,” said the residents of eastern Kansas, as well as those of central Ohio, northern Michigan, western Pennsylvania, and most of Nebraska, Wyoming, and Texas, noting that all that open land would look pleasant covered in vines, if you were on some type of tour where people could drink different whites and maybe see some horses or something.
Apparently unbeknownst to the wits at The Onion, they already make some pretty good wine in Eastern Kansas, Northern Michigan, and Texas. [I haven’t tasted Central Ohio, Western Pennsylvania, Nebraska or Wyoming yet.] They should have chosen different examples.
They also report:
The plan reportedly stalled when other residents of the shitty regions reminded them that even bad wine takes years to make and that, pound for pound, methamphetamines are still a far more lucrative investment.
That’s worth a smirk, although meth addiction is no laughing matter. But should a company that moved its headquarters from New York to Chicago (as the Onion did a few years ago) be poking fun at flyover country?